The Handyman
by Tsinoitulover
Summary: AU oneshot. Watanuki destroys his kitchen and Yuuko-san kindly refers him to a top-notch handyman she just happens to know for the job. A slight twist at the end surprises Watanuki.


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…*scratches head* I can't even remember when or how this idea popped up..and halfway through I kind of went 'oh, wait..Doumeki can't even build a decent looking snowman..bah, creative license' ;)

Disclaimer: I do not own xxxHolic.

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_-----Appointment 1-----_

"Excuse me...madam…is this the residence of Watanuki Kimihiro?"

Watanuki stared. He stared at the young man in front of him, who was starting to back away and frown warily. Well, Watanuki _supposed_ that it might probably have to do something with his state at the moment. Too much air being huffed unhealthily, body jerking in random muscle spasms, erratic arms hugging a jumbled assortment of spatulas and the like, perhaps the large pot filled with noodles adorning his head.

From the feel of it though, he could tell that the noodles still needed about 3 more minutes of boiling.

His voice came out more forcefully than he intended. "_What."_

"..Ah..your slippers..are on fire.."

Forget the slippers. In fact, Watanuki's mind barely registered that comment. He was focused on the man's previous question, and more specifically, chosen word of address.

"_What."_

The uniformed man resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the nonsensical repeat. His current caution of the assumed tenant suddenly doing…_something_ (were those noodles on her head?) helped this resistance. Ah, she was shaking more now, that didn't look too good. Like she was about to bur--

"_DO I *LOOK* LIKE A WOMAN?!"_

He was thanking the higher powers that it was_ just_ spatulas that were launched throughout the small vicinity of the hallway when a pot handle suddenly swung dangerously close into sight.

***

Watanuki probably shouldn't have been gripping the front of this man's shirt, especially since he was gripping part of a sewn on name tag that had 'Doumeki Shizuka' nicely embroidered in neat characters and more significantly 'Handyman' underneath the name. His kitchen was in dire, dire, _dire_ need of this man. Reluctantly, Watanuki softened his hold.

He felt the pot move on his head as a hand pushed the handle to the side. Oh, there was a bruise starting to show on the other's forehead.. The other man was looking irritated now too, fingering the head bump.

"..I apologize for the mistake...sir."

Watanuki felt his back _prickle_ at the tiny bite of sarcasm in the apology and the 'sir' that seemed more like an afterthought, but he drew a large, shaking breath and opened the door completely, gesturing a welcome, even if he was gritting his teeth to keep from lashing out. This man who he never met before with bored eyes and a blank expression and the air of shameless boldness just made his blood_ boil _for some reason.

"….I'm. …Sorry. Please. Forgive..me. It's been..a..very. _Very_. Rough day. Please, come..in."

The handyman slowly stepped forwards, discreetly eyeing Watanuki like one would to a spontaneous, angry madman. Of course, Watanuki still noticed but he only gripped harder on the door knob and kept his temper in check. Doumeki took the chance and quickly swept into the apartment with his toolbox.

His first impression of Watanuki Kimihiro and his state of 'dress' left much for him to imagine similar chaos inside, but the whole living space literally_ sparkled_ better than anything out of a home catalog. And it just made the kitchen stand out like an extremely sore thumb. The kitchen wasn't a mess. It was a war torn, shot to the ground battle zone.

Watanuki realized this too. Doumeki glanced over and raised an eyebrow, seeing Watanuki look at his kitchen with a pained expression while gently placing a hand against the door frame to it, as if trying to comfort it and himself somehow. So it was natural that he was a bit startled when the man snapped around to Doumeki with a fierce shine in his eyes that made the blue color blaze brilliantly.

"You." The man (who still had that ridiculous pot on his head but now wasn't the best time to point that out verbally) flickered his determined look to Doumeki's name tag. "Doumeki..san." He strained out the honorific. "Are you sure you're able to fix it?"

Doumeki casually tilted his head and slid his eyes to the right to survey the damage.

…

And then he slid his eyes back to Watanuki. "Maybe."

The handyman and the rest of the tenants on floor 5 found out that Watanuki was less than pleased with that answer.

_-----Appointment 2-----_

On the first day, Doumeki had only looked around the kitchen and seemed to have had made mental notes to himself as he stepped through the debris. Once or twice he had jotted down some measurements into a small notepad. When he had made to leave he had gotten yelled at for not actually doing anything but he had countered that it would take time to gather everything that was needed to even _attempt_ making the kitchen function again. Watanuki had crossed his arms and twisted his mouth, looked sulky even, and growled that he had better come on time.

He arrived the next day and knocked on Watanuki's door only once before it whipped open. The man's head was devoid of a pot this time, but his slippers still looked burnt. Doumeki could never quite forget the look on Watanuki's face when he had remembered that his feet were on fire.

But it seemed that Watanuki, ever remindful of the first impression he gave, took to extra lengths to present himself as a very sane, clean person. His apron and head cover was a pristine white and he walked calmly and surely.

Until he got to the kitchen.

Doumeki had already brushed through and began getting out his tools when he saw that Watanuki was still paused at the entryway. One foot was moving slow and heavy, finally moving enough to hover just above the kitchen tiles. The same pained look was the reason why Doumeki always hesitated to ask just _how_ a kitchen was so burnt, cracked, torn and demolished.

Watanuki's foot made a decision and lurched back. His apron fluttered out of sight into the bathroom where Doumeki heard distinct clinking and clanking sounds. He stretched his neck to peer into the hallway and into the bathroom.

Watanuki was vigorously scrubbing at dishes in the bathroom sink... But it was likely sanitary enough considering the overpowering sparkles emanating from the rest of the apartment.

Doumeki turned his focus back onto what was left of the kitchen walls and started to work. He was taking down a wall that was completely scorched through--his curiosity at what happened was really growing at this point--when his body as well as the kitchen shook with stomping.

This Watanuki was always surprising him one way or the other. Regardless of the debris on the floor, Watanuki forcefully stomped a visible path into the kitchen, as if he was forcing extremely reluctant, iron-clad feet. Doumeki was sure that burnt slippers couldn't' make such violent stomps.

"There's dirt. There's _new dirt_ on my kitchen floor."

Doumeki was deciding between saying that there wasn't much of a floor left to call it a floor and questioning Watanuki's ability to distinguish new dirt from his work boots and old dirt from the rubble when a mop _SMACKED_ onto the 'floor' so hard that Doumeki actually winced, whether because of the sound or pity for the floor.

_"Keep. Fixing. The. Walls."_

And Doumeki remained silent, turned around, and did just that.

When he left that day, the floor was shining like a mirror.

_-----Appointment 3-----_

The landlord--land_witch_ in his opinion--called in to ask about the kitchen and Watanuki immediately went on a tirade on how the handyman that she appointed was a lazy-eyed, uncouth man who made far too many sarcastic comments and was far too unreliable considering how many days he _claimed_ to be busy on.

Honestly, the jerk had actually pulled out a rather fancy looking leather-bound agenda book, flipped through dates with a pen and rejected most of the days and times that Watanuki was free on. So here was his precious weekend, spent on salvaging the kitchen because the jerk was _busy_ any other time.

"He is a busy man Kimihiro, a lot of people depend on him."

He hissed through the phone. "Then you should have appointed a different handyman! Or rather, he should have just taken care of his other jobs with those other people beforehand!"

He heard Yuuko-san only hum contently in _that_ way which said that she knew that he knew that she knew more than he knew and was rubbing her nose into it. Even though he couldn't see it at the moment, he could still _feel_ that cat-like grin of hers.

"But Kimihiro~, he's the best you know. Am I right?"

The cat-like grin grew larger, he could tell, as he paused to look up at the new solid, smooth walls in his kitchen. Watanuki sighed in defeat and Yuuko-san chuckled before reminding him not to forget her home-made dinners for the many, many future weeks to come--payment for the kitchen work since it _was _Watanuki who had destroyed it. Her odd choice of payment was more favorable to a monetary one, at the least.

He hung up just as a knock sounded on his door and opened it expectantly only to find the handyman talking into a cell phone. "No, I told you that it was unacceptable."

And to Watanuki's increasing anger, the handyman quickly stepped past him without word or acknowledgement and headed straight for the kitchen, his voice echoing off the hallway. "It needs to be fixed, I already told you that."

_What rudeness. _Talking to his clients with such an arrogant tone of voice!

Watanuki steamed and started to march towards the kitchen before forcefully stopping to shake his head in order to ward off his temper--it wouldn't do to keep arguing with the person who was fixing his kitchen after all--and he twisted his body to march towards the balcony instead.

Some hours later Doumeki finally sat back and stretched out some muscles while looking over the new cabinets with a critical eye. One of the old ones had been burned, another smashed, and the other was just..missing but the new cabinets and shelves in place looked sturdy enough. By his watch, and his stomach, it was time for a lunch break, even if his excessively high-maintenance client protested against the loss of time.

He started to walk out into hallway when he smelled it. The aroma of something…quite pleasant and edible. He followed the scent trail into the living room and looked around until he saw Watanuki out on the balcony stirring something in a pan while crouched over some..contraption with flames rising from it. Watanuki didn't look up but seemed to have noticed Doumeki because he whipped an arm out and pointed firmly to the direction of a low, sitting table set up in the living room.

Doumeki surprisingly observed that the table was set for two when Watanuki's voice cut in from beside him.

"Don't you even _get_ the wrong idea_. _It'll be faster if you eat here than going somewhere else to eat."

Doumeki was used to Watanuki's annoyed snapping by now. Instead, he turned his gaze to the balcony and Watanuki's peculiar, makeshift cookery.

"I'm sure that's a fire hazard."

Watanuki stopped spooning out the stir-fry and wagged the serving spoon warningly in front of Doumeki's nose. "A fire hazard that _got you_ this lunch. So be quiet, eat fast, and finish fixing my kitchen!" With that, Watanuki plopped down in front of Doumeki and muttered a quick "Itadakimasu" before eating. He then looked to the side and fidgeted.

"...Besides, I was never good at building things..that's_ your job._"

Doumeki almost didn't catch that quiet confession--he had noodles and rice before..but..not like this. The best really. He really hoped there was enough for seconds.

His attention was then caught by a pile of papers that Watanuki pulled out from a bag and was marking on with a pen occasionally.

"What is that?" Doumeki sat up straighter to lean forward but Watanuki flicked the current paper safely to his chest. Nevertheless, he answered.

"I'm grading my students' worksheets."

"Oh, you're a teacher?"

Watanuki looked up from his grading, curiously noting the sudden perked up interest that showed in that usually composed face. He went back to marking before replying.

"Yes. I'm a high school teacher."

"Junior or senior?"

"Senior."

"Which school do you work at?"

"…Tokyo Gakkan Urayasu senior high school." Watanuki stopped marking papers again, glancing up at Doumeki who was currently looking to the side in thought.

"Hm, that school has a good rank."

"...Why so many questions? And how did you know that?"

Doumeki looked at Watanuki and gave an indifferent, one shoulder shrug. "Just curious. And I just do. ..Seconds?"

He got whacked in the head with a spoon--"That's not a proper answer!"--but his plate was filled up again.

_-----Appointment 4-----_

Doumeki could now understand some of Watanuki's griping and yelling and light smacks on the head for something as little as leaving dirt on the floor--he probably made a stern teacher. But, as he glanced over to the counter where a tray of carefully arranged snacks and glass of iced tea was set up, Watanuki was probably really soft-hearted underneath the grouchy pretense.

Yesterday over lunch, Doumeki had managed to wheedle out of the man what subject he taught. He had already pretty much guessed it but it had been interesting to see Watanuki stammer and even flush a little before muttering 'home economics' then just as quickly fixing him with a defiant glare that dared him to tease about it.

Doumeki had done no such thing and instead complimented Watanuki for his obvious talent in the subject if his cooking and home maintenance was anything to go by. No, if anything, Watanuki had been first mistaken for a woman more so because of his feminine features such as his almost shoulder length hair and large 'pretty' eyes.

He had gotten whacked much, much harder with the spoon that time.

But the head bumps were worth it, he thought, if he could eat sandwiches that tasted as good as these.

"Jeez, you eat like a pig." Watanuki came into the kitchen fully looking ready to attack the rest of grime in the kitchen. He was able to walk in now without stomping his feet firmly in order to keep himself from fleeing. Doumeki was lying underneath the sink, taking apart the pipes while listening to Watanuki grumble about the kitchen as he scrubbed the countertops.

"--It wasn't even my fault..completely. I just...dropped some things. …...And you just thought _'right..'_ in a sarcastic way didn't you?"

The handyman stopped unscrewing a bolt and lifted his head just enough to see Watanuki still scrubbing away, his back turned to him. He was one of those mind reading, eyes in the back of his head teachers alright.

"Anyway the oil splashed and everything caught on fire and it was only a _small_ one too, so I took it out. But when I tried to use the stove again it just..just _sparked _and things _exploding_ and-and"

Watanuki shook his arms all about to show just how various things exploded but stopped upon realizing that he was splattering mop water over the floor.

Doumeki eased out from under the sink to actually look around the kitchen. So, Watanuki just…dropped things.

He heard Watanuki softly sigh. "I guess I shouldn't have tried to cook while I was so angry..."

...

In one fleeting second the entire kitchen sharpened in focus--the glint of half sheathed kitchen knives-forks-ladles-blender-juicer-metal bowls-that awful, large stirring spoon. His caution for Watanuki's temper and ordinary kitchen appliances just went up a few degrees.

"And there was this hideous, filthy _insect_ that crawled across the counter--_my kitchen counter_--I had to find it and get _rid of it_ but it had gone into the cabinets!"

More furious mopping.

Doumeki tilted his head. That spot was pretty shiny already..

His distraction of the floor sparkles admitted a stormy blue gaze to suddenly fill his sight, and Watanuki snatched the sink pipe from his hand. Still getting used to Watanuki's finger snap like movements, he blinked a few times while Watanuki muttered something involving "filthy pipes" and "stupid handyman."

The pipe was shoved back into his hand, and what was once rusted and brown was now gleaming like a metal jewel. Doumeki turned over the pipe with a raised brow and half-registered the loud clanking behind him. He turned his head around just as the noise stopped and only caught sight of Watanuki's apron tie flicking out of sight into the bathroom. Sounds of a steady gush of water and more clinking from the bathroom soon followed and Doumeki mused to himself while returning to the sink on how interesting this Watanuki Kimihiro was.

A sudden gurgle from the sink pipes cut his musings short and the handyman recognized the acute feeling of dread as murky, gray water spilled over the countertops and started making its way like a stream across the newly mopped floor.

_-----Appointment 7-----_

"..She…she's one of the kids that I worry about...ah, ano--but anyway I start with basic things at first, obviously, then later I separate them into groups and change those around and other times they have individual work."

"Problem kids?"

"Tsk, they're not '_problem kids' _they're children _with_ certain problems. Normally, it doesn't get too bad but a few times I had to individually talk with some students."

Watanuki sent him another glare, albeit milder this time, as if Doumeki was one of his students.

"Don't label children like that."

Doumeki unnoticeably widened his eyes a little in surprise at both Watanuki's words and the lack of some physical punishment involving the nearest object.

_He's serious this time then._ Doumeki noticed.

_-----Appointment 10-----_

Doumeki slowly found himself sinking deeper and deeper into a most difficult situation. Watanuki's cooking was addicting.

It had come to the point where he found other foods horribly bland and displeasing as if his taste buds had haughtily sniffed and turned away at what they now considered rubbish in comparison to the Watanuki's luncheons that were becoming routine. He rarely could eat a full meal outside of Watanuki's apartment.

Doumeki paused in his action of devouring the latest lunch in order to release a very slight sigh while staring at the perfect coloring and texture of the sushi roll.

"What's wrong?" Watanuki looked up at him from his papers.

Ah, Doumeki should have come to know by now that nothing escaped the sensei's keen attention.

Another pause took effect as Doumeki wondered how to phrase his problem. But as he was, blunt was his nature.

"I can't eat your food anymore without running risk to my health."

The papers suddenly cracked to a still below to show Watanuki's face semi-frozen in a menacing 'Oh..really?' expression, one eye squinting in dagger-sharp scrutiny. Then his entire form bristled from bottom up in a grand imitation of a fire-spitting cat.

The full truth, however, was eventually wrestled out and Doumeki amusedly watched the other man suddenly fall silent again minus the previous, menacing air.

"…Thank you," He quietly murmured, his face turned to the side and unreadable.

Doumeki then regarded Watanuki carefully, his gaze thoughtful as the teacher flustered and started fidgeting with his glasses and papers, trying to ignore the other's considering stare.

"Thank you."

For the third time Watanuki froze, his marking pen hesitating in the air. By the sound of chopsticks clinking, the other man had already went back to his meal, but Watanuki was still bewildered at the deep resonance in those words that betrayed its outwards casualness. Despite his confusion on what exactly he was being thanked for so soon after his own thanks, he didn't question Doumeki's frank but cryptic use of words this time.

Before the handyman left for the day, a bundle wrapped in cloth suddenly flew at his head with shocking speed and he just managed to catch it as the apartment door slammed shut.

It was a layered bento.

_-----Appointment 14-----_

It would not do to hyperventilate, Watanuki reasoned. The energy could be put forth into a much more productive action.

Such. As. Destroying. That. Abomination.

Watanuki gripped the handle of a knife and drew it with an ominous metal '_ting._'

It would figure that a large, chopping knife was the closest object at hand this time, Doumeki pondered.

"Doumeki. Do not move."

_But that would be counterproductive to my survival_. The handyman thought, growing more wary as Watanuki's entire form slowly shifted into that of a disturbing predator.

But then Doumeki realized that Watanuki was not looking at him--he was looking _through_ him..somehow. He turned to chance a look, despite Watanuki's rather animalistic hiss against movement, and glimpsed a few cockroaches already scuttling away into the unfinished parts of the kitchen.

Doumeki did not see--he felt Watanuki rush past him.

_-----Appointment 19-----_

Watanuki had poor eyesight in general but things never seemed to escape his notice. His students soon learned not to underestimate the bespectacled teacher.

Thus, the teacher finally figured out where the peculiar calluses on the handyman's right fingertips came from.

"Do you practice archery?"

Doumeki paused in his work at the unexpected question that was, indeed, correct in its assumption.

"It's your calluses," the other quickly explained, "the ones on your fingertips. A student of mine in the archery club has similar ones."

Doumeki raised his brow at yet another show of the teacher's sharp perception.

"Yes," he replied, "I competed in high school. It's more of a hobby now, just like this."

Watanuki shook a sponge towards him, grumbling at him to correct himself between hobbies and work. He continued rinsing dishes and tools alike, in the now functioning kitchen sink, before speaking again. "Hobby , huh? Your 'hobbies' go pretty far from normal if those calluses are anything to go by."

Doumeki let a small, amused breath, further impressed by this interesting teacher.

"My grandfather raised me as a shrine boy. My family values dedication among other things." Doumeki looked over his shoulder to see Watanuki silently 'oh' and 'hm' in understanding.

And just because he could, he said after a beat, "I typically placed first in archery nationals."

A small smile etched onto his face as he heard clangs of fumbled dishes and Watanuki's spluttering.

_-----Appointment 23-----_

The handyman frowned and knocked on the door again. He didn't hear any of Watanuki's usual bustle inside throughout the whole of the five minutes he had waited so far. Something was off.

On impulse Doumeki grabbed the doorknob and with surprise, opened the unlocked door. He stepped inside the doorway and took in the abnormal, haphazard state of the apartment. The lights were on but Watanuki was not here. Instead, Doumeki could see the other's hurried leave in the visible trail that started from the bathroom with the still soapy mop to water splatters on the floor that led to the living room where the phone had apparently been thrown onto the couch in favor of the now missing coat and umbrella.

Where had he gone at the last minute? Doumeki wondered. Unease then passed through him when he recognized the family name on the caller id.

'Tsuyuri.'

It had been a little over an hour when the door softly clicked open. The teacher slowly walked in, his head hung and his entire form soaked and dripping with cold rain.

Watanuki didn't react even as a large towel suddenly dropped onto his head.

"..Ah..Doumeki.." Watanuki's muffled acknowledgement began, "I guess I forgot to lock the door. Worked out for the better anyway." He heard the handyman starting to walk back to the kitchen.

"Idiot." He said.

An aroma drifted from the kitchen.

Through the towel Watanuki could smell tea.

_-----Appointment 30-----_

As of late Doumeki's cell phone frequently rang, up to even six times one day. Watanuki had finally threatened to chuck it into soup and force the handyman to eat it if he kept taking ten to fifteen minute phone calls. At this Doumeki had frowned, unusually serious, and apologized for the interruptions but stated that he couldn't turn off his work phone.

In the end Watanuki became too busy with his own increasing work, his agitation increasing with each thick packet of paperwork full of long-winded and highly unnecessary standard procedures for reporting the affairs of classes, attendance data, objectives completion, planning--in all Watanuki cursed the system.

"There just _had _to be a visit from the education department," he grumbled, flipping through another packet. "Not even a typical representative but the _head_ of the department just has to come visit." Watanuki sighed and put down the paperwork to stretch and work out the kinks in his neck. He heard the low murmur of Doumeki's voice in the kitchen, once again talking to other clients.

Watanuki suppressed a growl and walked towards the kitchen; he reached the room just as Doumeki clicked off his phone and put it back in its belt holder. The kitchen had looked pretty decent for a while now and was coming along spectacularly. Realizing this, Watanuki bit back his complaints about slacking and relaxed until the sound of a ring tone blared.

Doumeki puzzlingly looked at the one in his belt then, seeming to realize where it was coming from, walked over to his bag and pulled out another one that Watanuki instantly eyeballed with an irritated expression that inaudibly said '..Just how many cell phones does one need..?!'

The handyman was still puzzled at the unrecognizable number on the caller id of his personal cell and so he tentatively answered, "Hello?"

"Shiiiiizuka-chaaan!"

Watanuki could recognize that blaring voice anywhere and he did a backpedal with his arms to keep him from falling backwards in shock.

Yuuko-san.

Doumeki's back had went through an upwards bristle of its own that rivaled Watanuki's the moment the landlady had uttered her first syllable. He put a hand to his face and muttered, "How did you get this number?"

"Oh! I just did! So how's Kimihiro-kun's kitchen coming along hmm? Are you two getting along well?"

Doumeki chose to ignore the suggestive tone in the last question-that-wasn't-really-a-question she asked and instead, pinched the bridge of his nose.

Watanuki could hear Yuuko-san begin to chatter rapidly about things on her end, what she ate for breakfast, how she was enjoying Kimihiro-kun's dinners, how her adorable nieces Maru-chan and Moro-chan were doing, the turn of weather, a coffee stain on her couch that she didn't notice before--

--with widened eyes Watanuki watched Doumeki hold the phone as far as he could from his ear before ceremoniously hitting a button that shut it off.

Doumeki dropped the phone into his bag as if it were diseased and stiffly went back to his work.

The curiosity prodded and dug at Watanuki until he finally asked in a wary voice, "…So..do you and Yuuko-san know each other..? I mean, I always wondered how she came to hire you…"

"--She didn't _hire_ me."

Doumeki kept working at the stove for a few minutes before continuing.

"She and my grandfather were associated."

"…Eh?"

"They knew each other."

"Oh."

Doumeki was working very silently, his form uncharacteristically twitching as unseen memories undoubtedly resurfaced. In the meantime Watanuki scrunched his face up confusedly as he tried figuring out the landlady's age on his fingers.

"Eeeh? But then, Yuuko-san's really old! I guess--maybe she was younger than your grandfather, but it can't be too much younger since they were friends I think…that's right, she mentioned someone--Haruka-san--as a friend. Do you remember how old she looked like? What was she like back then?"

Doumeki's answer was curt. "Same as now. Manipulative witch."

Watanuki's curiosity finally gave in, "Really, just what was your relationship with Yuuko-san?"

"Grandfather."

"I know that, but just what--"

"--She babysat me."

"…Oh…"

Then.

"..O-o-o-oh…"

_-----Day 5-----_

It wasn't until nearly week later when the situation finally hit the teacher. He was cooking and using the kitchen normally without having to step over debris and tools. The comprehension caused a sudden pause in Watanuki.

"Oh." He uttered.

The last time he'd seen the handyman was when they were both rushing off to other matters. With the last piece of the stove put in place, Watanuki had already been flurrying around the apartment in order to get ready for a large faculty meeting.

_Watanuki skidded to a stop in front of the kitchen to see Doumeki packing up. "Aaah, finished?! Here--" He helped the handyman quickly clean up the remainder of his things and the two rushed to the front door, Doumeki's work cell ringing insistently._

_They caught their breaths during the elevator's descent, the handyman speaking hastily into his phone about meeting some person somewhere (from what Watanuki picked up). The elevator's 'ding!' pronounced their arrival to the ground floor and the two made their separate ways, Doumeki flicking his eyes to Watanuki's in a parting gesture and the other doing the same. _

"Oh."

And that was that, Watanuki realized with an odd pang of regret.

_-----Inspection Day-----_

Watanuki swore, hissed, spitted, and did all kinds of very un-Kimihiro-sensei things that made his students shrink back in terror into one corner of the room. This was the very evidence as to why all the students of the school dare not try to walk over and take advantage of Kimihiro-sensei's kind, forgiving nature. Because there was a boiling demon right beside it.

Everything had been perfectly orderly all day until the last minute. At the _very last minute_, something went wrong. Watanuki inwardly howled at the irony.

Kimihiro-sensei was frightening indeed. He went back and forth from smiling and waving his hands dismissively in an assuring way to the tearful student who had accidentally toppled all the aprons on the burners before turning around to kill all the flames with furious speed while clearing the counter top of items in danger to the fire.

Watanuki really didn't blame the student. He just couldn't stand to be confronted by the young hot-shot who was apparently the new head of the education department that had caused all the fuss with paperwork and school improvements. Honestly.

The bulk of the fire was put out when one of his student's from the door exclaimed, "Kimihiro-sensei! I think the head is coming here! Uwah…he's so handsome.."

The girl had already gone back to squashing her face against the door window and soon a crowd of students formed around the door, excitedly chattering.

"Eeeeh? That's the new head?? He's way too young!"

"Ara, ara! He is, but my parents were talking about him--says he's some kind of genius."

"Really?! Waaah, handsome and smart.."

"Sigh…he looks so cool.."

"..Aaah, I love the cool type.."

The chatter reached the teacher's ears in twittering waves and Watanuki irritatingly hoped that this 'cool type' didn't have an equally detached, arrogant personality.

"Phew." He had been forced to use the fire extinguisher and despite its messy, leftover foam, the fire was out and most of the cooking ware was undamaged.

"Alright! Go back to your stations and start to clean up! Quickly now!" The students jumped into action to clean up the mess and Watanuki did the same, trying to salvage what was left of the once unspoiled classroom.

He muttered dejectedly, "So much for first impressions."

Three firm knocks sounded and caused Watanuki to startle while he was handling the burnt pots. Unprepared or not, it would have to do, he thought to himself as he briskly set forth to open the door.

"--Ah, Kimihiro-sensei!--"

"--W-wait, sensei!--"

It wouldn't do to keep the new head waiting.

'Click.'

Finely tailored black dress pants, a neatly pressed white dress shirt, a clean hair slick with some tendrils tastefully down--

'Click, click, click.'

A very familiar, fancy leather-bound planner was touching Watanuki's nose as his impossibly wide eyes were looking up at the head of the education department's face.

'Cli--'

The head at last caught the uncooked bean that had fallen from the pot on the teacher's head onto the opened pages of his planner. His eyes held a hint of mirth as he stated in a professional manner, needlessly flicking his eyes to his planner for the other's name, "Excuse me, madam. Are you..Watanuki Kimihiro-sensei?"

Watanuki hadn't moved still, his mouth still opened and his eyes still looking up in complete shock and disbelief.

The seconds ticked by with the two of them locked in their respective positions until finally, Doumeki Shizuka gave a small, small smirk and in an exaggerated movement, pushed the pot handle far to the other side of Watanuki's head and clear of his own forehead.

Then, and only then, did Watanuki self-destruct.

***

"Cook something for me."

_'Whywhywhy--why does the world play cruel jokes on me?'_

"Because I have to see if you're certified for this job, obviously."

_'Damn it all!! That sneaky Yuuko-san probably knew about this all along too!!'_

"Hey, this is a little too spicy--oomph!"

Watanuki forced the spoon into other's throat, his eyes dark and looming. "…Oh…really?" He twisted it in further.  
"That's too bad."

The class was even more confused and disturbed by Kimihiro-sensei's both familiar yet threatening manner towards the _head_ of all people.

"--And so you just never really _bothered_ to tell me that _this _is your actual job!"

"I did say that it was more of a hobby. What's the saying, that even the most perceptive can be dense?"

"NNNRRRM-NAAA-GAAAH!"

A beat. Watanuki considered the spoon and then he considered his job.

He decided that Doumeki was still Doumeki.

_'WHACK!'_

"…..ow..that one actually hurt.."

The students watched in curiosity and a sort of marvel at the transformation that took place. Watanuki continued to bicker and grumble at the head--_"Could you __**please**__ stop distracting a good half of my students and button up that shirt? Pah, professional head..."_--but the two eventually started having a more amicable, if not serious, conversation about Watanuki's concerns about the school, his classes and his overall opinions on matters. Halfway through, Watanuki quickly noted that Doumeki may be a young hot-shot but he was one that was taking notes and carefully listening--the future of the school system looked a little brighter.

Occasionally Kimihiro-sensei twitched, raised his voice a little, and repeatedly poked the head of education on the forehead and the other man would sometimes mutter "idiot" or "stupid" and fix their sensei with a raised eyebrow and a _look_ that really only served to antagonize their sensei again. The class were all gathered at the counter top that overlooked the two men sitting at a desk in the front of the room, their palms together and supporting their chins as one collective thought buzzed around them.

"You know," piped up one student, "those two actually get along real well."

The students thought about it.

"Yeah," one said, "they really do."

* * *

Notes:

That school that Watanuki works at is just a random one I googled..eheh

Tsuyuri is the family name of Kohane. There's more freedom for the reader to develop Kohane's family problems. :'(

Here I had Yuuko as Doumeki's hate-love babysitter when he was little, feel free to imagine the loveable torture he suffered ^.^

Ramblings:

Ahah, I had a lot of fun writing this and developing the slightly different personas of the holic characters in this universe. Watanuki's a bit more temperamental on the destructive side and Yuuko has some good ol' history with Doumeki since he was a kid XD.

I thought about writing a little more but it felt alright to end it there since we can all guess what happens next over time ;)

Oh, and I really can't get this picture out of my mind of Doumeki in a smexy, stripper-like pose in a half-undone work uniform with his hands behind his head while he's kneeling on the floor with his knees apart…yeah.. *nosebleed* a picture of doumeki in his dress shirt and pants with his hair slightly styled back as he's oh so cool-like struttin' the school halls is another mental favorite X333

* * *


End file.
